Back in 2018, I went on a simple mission: find a hat or t-shirt with the words “Plymouth Rock” on it. Just something I could wear for a little songwriting inspiration while I wrote songs for Diane Finn’s children’s book “The Secrets of Plymouth Rock.”
Anyways, I strolled through every shop in downtown Plymouth, and guess what I found? Absolutely nothing. No hats. No shirts. No mugs. Nada. Zilch.
That’s when it hit me—this poor national landmark gets no respect! Plymouth Rock is basically the Rodney Dangerfield of American history.
Comedian Rodney Dangerfield’s signature catchphrase—“I don’t get no respect!”—became comedy legend. Plymouth Rock, despite being a national landmark, gets a similar treatment: people have called it too small, moved it around, chipped pieces off as souvenirs, and even doubted whether it’s the “real” landing site.
In a way, both Rodney and the Rock have stood in the public eye for decades… while enduring a steady stream of jokes, criticism, and underappreciation.
So, ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to…Rocky Dangerfield!
PS – The song titles below correspond with actual pages in the book that teaches children everything they need to know about Plymouth Rock, “The Secrets of Plymouth Rock” by Diane Finn.
Have You Ever Visited Me – Page 1
“Have you ever visited me? Sure… but did you bring respect? Nooo…”
“I’ve had more visitors than Elvis, but they still act surprised I’m not wearing rhinestones!”
Secrets to Tell – Page 2
“I’ve got secrets to tell… but every time I start, some tour guide jumps in with their own version. And it’s never flattering!”
“My biggest secret? I was a bouncer before I was a landmark. Yeah, I kept the waves out.” “No respect at all.”
Fine Day– – Page 5
“You know what a fine day is for me? When nobody chips a piece off me. That’s my sunshine!”
“Last fine day I had, a tourist took a selfie without complaining… first time in 400 years!”
Mr. Seagull – Page 5
“And then there’s Mr. Seagull—he says he’s my friend, but he’s been ‘dropping by’ for years, if you know what I mean.”
“He tells me to lighten up… yeah, easy for him—he’s got wings!”
“The only flying I do is when they move me… and drop me!”
Madame Crab – Page 8
“Ah, Madame Crab… she tells me I need to loosen up. Lady, I’m granite—this is as loose as I get!”
“She calls me ‘handsome.’ Sure, for a rock, I’m a real Brad Pitt.”
“That’s just what every rock dreams of hearing—‘You’re cute… for sedimentary material.’”
A Speck in the Distance – Page 9
“I saw a speck in the distance once… I thought it was romance.”
“Nope—just another tourist with low expectations.”
“Now every speck I see is either a seagull or a gum wrapper—love is dead, folks!”
Thank the Lord for This Large Rock – Page 12
“They thank the Lord for this large rock, but they won’t even spring for a decent cushion for me!”
“Large rock? Lady, I’ve been on a diet for centuries thanks to souvenir hunters. At this rate I’ll be a skipping stone by 2050!”
To Town Square – Page 22
“They moved me to Town Square once. I felt like a float in the world’s slowest parade.”
“In Town Square, people asked if I was the Pilgrim Rock… or just bad landscaping!” “Really?”
Ouch Stop That! – Page 26
“You ever hear ‘Ouch stop that!’ around here? Yeah, that’s me talking—not the kids.”
“Folks keep chiseling me like I’m an all-you-can-chip buffet… I’m surprised they don’t serve nachos on me while they’re at it!”
Protect This Rock – Page 27
“They say ‘Protect this rock!’ but the only protection I’ve got is a fence shorter than a toddler.”
“Even my insurance company laughed… they said, ‘Sorry, acts of chisel aren’t covered.’”
Sights and Sounds of the Sea – Page 29
“I love the sights and sounds of the sea—until I realize it’s just Mr. Seagull arguing with Madame Crab.”
“Last time I tried to relax to the sound of waves, a tour bus rolled up… instant migraine!”
New and Wonderful Home – Page 32
“They call it my new and wonderful home—yeah, it’s a gazebo. I feel like I’m living in a bus stop!”
“The only wonderful thing is I don’t get rained on anymore… just pooped on from the sides now.”
“I tell ya, folks… they can write stories, and name songs after me all day… but I still get no respect. No respect at all!”
“Except for the team over at PlymouthRock.org. They ROCK.”
-Plymouth Rock